It's Not Real?

I've never been a big one for watching the evening news. On the other hand, my wife never misses it. Not a big deal since I'm usually working when it's on. So yesterday she sat down to watch it like any other day. The kids cooperated and played in the room with her while she watched. It was a nice relaxing little treat, getting to watch some grown up TV instead of having to entertain the youngsters. Everything was going fine until they did a story about local fella who apparently made a horror movie. I guess they figured it was newsworthy because Robert Englund, the guy who played Freddy Crueger, was in the movie.

So they do their story about the movie, no big deal. The problem was that they showed a scene from the movie in the course of doing the story. I didn't see it but I'm told it was pretty graphic and very creepy. It certainly wasn't the sort of thing you'd expect a TV station to show at 6 in the evening without any sort of warning about the nature of the content. Previously, the only thing I'd see as being at all offensive on that station's evening news was the time the anchor introduced a piece about the increase in childhood obesity by talking about "the rise in the number of fat kids in today's society." I swear those were his exact words. I taped it and laughed my ass off each time I watched it. It makes me think the anchor is some sort of Ron Burgundy type who will read anything they put on the teleprompter. Anyways, my wife was so disturbed by what she saw and the fact they gave no warning that she did something she's never done before. She called the station to complain.

She emailed them first actually and then called. She spoke to some guy there and explained the situation. She mentioned the graphic nature of the images and the fact there'd been now warning. He listened to her concerns and then said the words that made me laugh so very hard when the story was relayed to me minutes later. He actually said "Well you know it's not real, right?"

My wife played the concerned parent card by answering "I know it's not real but my three year old didn't." That was probably the right way to answer but personally when I was told the story my mind began racing with possible alternative replies to his condescension. I figured I'd throw a few out there and see what you think of them.

1. Hold the phone away from her mouth and pretend to yell to the crowd around her. "Calm down, everyone calm down! I've got some good news."

2. "So I'm guessing I am the first person to call your station who wasn't a complete moron."

3. "Originally, I was upset but after talking to you now I'm more impressed you can actually operate a phone."

4. "Can I speak to your supervisor? I have a new complaint now."

5. "Not real? Are you talking about the scene or your entire newscast? Because I make a lot of decisions based on the information you guys give me."

Too bad I can't figure out a way to make a living by being a smartass.