Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Need To "Pimp My Ride"

So I'm thinking about getting some soundproof glass installed in our new van. I'm picturing the sort of partition limos have so the drivers don't have to listen to a bunch of drunk teens on prom night. The one thing we didn't consider before buying it is that our car left an empty seat in between the girls. Now that they're side by side just about every trip, no matter how short, seems to involve some fighting and whining of some sort. Either someone isn't sharing their toys, or someone wants their sister's sippy cup, or my personal favourite "She's looking at me". Not sure what she expects me to do about that one. I mean does she actually expect me to pull over and blindfold her sister.

"There, keep that on and stop disturbing your sister with your troubling attention. And don't start smelling her either because I've got a couple tiny corks in the glove box for just such an occasion."

I suppose we could always set them up in the rear seats instead of the middle. That would give them back that buffer zone and they're cries would have further to travel to reach us up front. The downside is it'd be a huge pain in the ass to get them in and out of their seats plus I like having the extra storage space with that backseat flipped up. So I'm left with the soundproof glass option. Actually, I had another idea but I'm not sure how practical it is. If I travel at the speed of sound, would the kids whining and crying be able to keep up with us?

"Yes officer, I know I was speeding. I was just trying to test out a theory I have."

I do think having a couple kids freaking out in the backseat should be an acceptable reason for speeding. You should be able to blaze down the highway at top speed with a baby on board sticker in the back window without anyone batting an eye. It's the least they can do since the province has completely ignored my letters asking to have a separate "My kids are freaking out" lane added to the roads. A big yellow diamond with a pissed off youngster in it right in the middle of the lane. Odds are that would backfire and just create a giant convoy of minivans as far as the eye can see. Nothing but the sound of kids music and crying coming from every vehicle as the parents inside give the finger to all the childless people in the other lanes. Perhaps they're right to ignore my requests.

I guess I'll have to head back to the drawing board on some of these ideas. I think they have some potential once I iron out all the kinks. For the time being, I'll have to use the age old parental fallback of threatening to turn the car around. I'm not sure how effective that one will be either though. At least until I can pull off some sort of movie style handbrake 180. So it's either stunt driving school for me or I'll have to do some actual parenting.

1 comment:

kelly said...

too funny...have been there many times. My dad's favourite line was "don't make me pull over!" He tried that one on us on a trip to Sudbury. My sister and I were 13 and 17? We laughed and laughed, so did my mom. try one of those large foam squares (2'x2') and slide it in between their seats? Maybe a squirt bottle shot for whoever is causing the havoc? No...after the initial shock, it may just fuel the fire. DVD player for (long) rides...put it on your Xmas list!