Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Compiling Evidence

We need to watch what we say around the kids, in particular the oldest. And I'm not talking about cursing. At this point, if she learns any new swear words she'll have to teach them to me because I think she's overheard me use just about everything in my expletive arsenal. She hasn't repeated much of them but I'm sure she's stored them all away for a special occasion. "That was a lovely baptism father. Sorry about the older one shouting out like that. We think she may have tourettes." No, I'm talking about how we need to be careful what we say around her because she's starting to use it against us.

A prime example would be the other day in the van. My wife was driving along with her mom in the passenger seat. They were going shopping and then she was coming over to the house to help out since I was working. During their trip, a series of questions came from the backseat.

"Mom, can you make Cameron's bottles?"

"Yes, I can do that."

"Can you change Cameron's diapers?"

"Yes."

"Can you make Cameron go to sleep?"

"Yes, I help Cameron fall asleep at bedtime."

Later, they got home and it soon became time for bed. We usually tell the oldest to lie down in her bed while we get her sister to sleep and then we'll come lie with her. Following the playbook, Nanny told her she was going to help mom get Cameron to sleep and then she'd come see her.

"Mom, doesn't need help. She knows how to do everything for Cameron."

Well played you little bastard. She went through all that trouble of getting the answers she needed hours before she needed the information. The questions just seemed cute and funny but in reality she was just compiling evidence for her case. I told me wife not to watch Law and Order or CSI when the baby was around. Obviously, she was paying more attention than it appeared. Makes me wonder how long before she starts using fingerprint analysis or DNA evidence to prove I ate the last cookie. By that point her little sister will be able to join in and they'll be pulling the whole good cop bad cop routine. "Look, just tell me what I want to hear. If you just cooperate it'll be a lot easier for you. My partner's nuts. The truth is going to come out sooner or later and I really don't think you want her to be the one to get it from you."

So now we have to pay attention to what she's saying and what we say to her. Any little thing can come back to bite us in the ass. The worst part is there's no telling what, when or how. I feel like she should start every conversation by reading us our rights. "Daddy, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Now, do you think the doll in this picture would look good in my room?"

1 comment:

Erin said...

We are screwed!