Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Rare And Precious

Isn't it nice when kids start being useful? Actually, let me clarify. Kids are useful right from the start. They make it possible for you to get the best parking space at the mall possible without having some sort of disability. "Thanks kiddo, daddy didn't really want to walk that extra thirty feet." They're always getting free cookies at supermarkets and rarely finish them. "Half eaten chocolate chip cookie? Don't mind if I do." And if you have a little kid with you, you can pass gas just about anywhere and blame it on them. "Oh my, smells like someone needs their diaper changed." A word of warning on that last one though, it only works up until they start using full sentences. "You little tattle tale. I hope you enjoy sleeping tonight with that monster I put under your bed."

These little perks are nice but I'm talking about when kids start being actively helpful. The point where they think sweeping looks like fun. The time putting toys away seems cool, provided you sing some sort of clean up song while you do it. When they go and get the remote for you is the exact moment you will realise why you decided to have kids in the first place. "Once you're big enough to make a sandwich or get a drink I'll be set." Makes me want to have a lot more kids. I could have my own tiny workforce. My own little army of Oompa Loompas keeping everything below the three foot level in my house spotless. If they sang a cute little song while they did it, even better. For some reason though I think that could come back to bite me like it did the actual Willy Wonka. I think they lynched him or something; I've never seen the end of the movie or read the biography it was based on.

The point where it all turned on me would probably be when they unionise, led by the oldest one I'm sure. Before long she's going to realise all those fun things that makes her so proud of herself are actually work. Once that dawns on her, she's going to expect something in return. She's going to want to get paid. I only hope she learns about the idea of an allowance before she fully grasps the concept of money. "Ok, here's another one of the super special copper coins that are the rarest in the land. They're so rare and precious that you hardly ever see anyone use them anymore." I can dream I guess.

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