Friday, February 6, 2009

Scientists Discover Giant Snake

So I was reading this article that scientists have discovered the remains of some prehistoric "monster snake" in Colombia. They say it would have been about 42 feet long and weighed 2500 lbs. As someone who's never really been a big fan of snakes I must say that's friggin' frightening. The idea of a snake who, at it's thickest point, would come up to a person's hips is a little more than I'd like to think about. A couple thoughts did occur to me though.

First, why did it take them this long to find it? It's the size of a bus. I can understand having a tough time finding the remains of tiny dinosaurs but not giant bus sized things. Unless these remains were hidden underneath the remains of a two bus sized snake then there shouldn't be any excuses. Of course, if that were the case then we wouldn't even be talking about the puny bus snake; we'd be haunted by images of the humongous double decker reticulated bus snake. Personally, I think they just have a big repository full of fossils and some guys working on them like Legos. "Here, take this box of stuff we found and see if you can put together something that'll really freak people out."

"Ok, let's see what we've got here. We just need to put together some horns, wings, a tail, and some big teeth and there we have it. The prehistoric flying beaverbull. Greg, spin the wheel so we can tell people how many millions of years ago it was around."

Of course, if I'm wrong and they actually work to piece together the remains they find without any preconceived notion then this must have been like putting together a jigsaw puzzle only to realise it spells out "I'm going to kill you".

Anyways, the other thing that occurs to me is that I owe Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube an apology for my criticism of that movie Anaconda that they did. (Samuel L. Jackson however is owed no apology because Snakes On A Plane was just stupid.) I always thought it was silly and unrealistic how big they made the snake in that movie. Turns out I was wrong. As this new discovery proves, it would have been possible for these two actor/recording artists to be attacked by a giant snake (apparently this "monster snake" was actually larger than the one in that movie). All that would be required is some sort of time machine. Of course then we get into the issue of the whole J-Lo Ice Cube space time continuum but I'll leave that to more qualified professionals like Stephen Hawking and Dr. Dre.

I guess the whole point of the story is that 50+ million years ago there were some pretty freakin' insane things roaming this planet. Thanks science, I won't have any trouble getting to sleep now.

1 comment:

Dragon Petals said...

That article freaked me out. You know what else freaks me out? Deep sea creatures. Yeah, those are nasties too. Giant vampire squid? Wouldn't want to meet one of those. Long nosed chimera? Yeahhh... If you really want some nightmares, look at these pretties.