So it turns out it's harder than you would think to find information about how far or fast a poop can travel. I would have thought both would be valid categories for Guinness but apparently not. Apparently, the book compiled to settle bar bets has standards. I'm sure somewhere there's some drunk college kids with access to a radar gun and tape measure who could give me an answer though.
Anyways, there is a reason why I was curious about those crappy records (puns are fun). It goes further than just general safety knowledge. How far should I stay away from a bare ass I don't trust in order to be safe and how quickly do I need to get there? As a rule, I just try to maintain a minimum 6 foot buffer zone. That's why I bring a stick that length with me when I go in the change room at the gym. I'm off topic though. My sullying of search engines stemmed from a diaper changing mishap yesterday.
Apparently, while I was at work, one of the few times I was happy to be there, our youngest was complaining of a dirty diaper. Upon further inspection, my wife found what appeared to be a tiny poop. She set up the little one for a change, not an easy task at 8 months pregnant. Once the old diaper was removed she sprung into action. What looked like a tiny poop was just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of which shot out like a big dirty bullet, bouncing off our little girl's calf. Startling by anyone's standards. Luckily, it landed neatly in the diaper and did no further damage.
I guess it just goes to show that as parents we all think our kids are the best at things. Upon hearing the story, my first reaction was I bet that's some kind of record; I should really look into that. Followed closely by my second thought; I'd better start bringing my gym stick to diaper changes. You can never tell if those things are loaded or not.
8 years ago